Im at the end of my tether with my future in-laws, firstly my bridesmaid (fiance's sister) was asked not to get her hair cut as I needed it long for the style and accessories that I wanted for her hair and 4 days b4 the hair trial she gets most of her hair cut off and absolutely nothing could be done with her hair as it was too short, a waste of my time and money, she then makes a song and dance about havin to go herself and pick her shoes, I obviously im not going to know what is comfy and what isn't so I asked her to go on her lunch break and pick a pair and I would go and buy them, my fiance ended up hanging up on her cos he couldn't listen to her anymore and then to top it all off.....
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
We had a no children rule at our wedding , as it just makes numbers unreal.You will have to tell her straight or else you will have repercussions from other members of the party" why couldn't we bring ours but she brought hers?"
My close friends were cool with the no kids but an old friend came up to visit prior to the wedding, within 5 mins she was telling me how much her son adored me etc etc, i knew what she was going to ask but i let her sit on it for 3 hours before she finally spilled!then i just said if i allowed him to come would have to allow 40 others and its unreasonable
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
Families.. can't live with them and can't live without them. I know it seems important but all eyes will be on you on the big day. Try not to get stressed and just put her abstinence down to hormones!
Edit... they probably don't want to leave their child and travel abroad. Weddings are about families getting together for the celebration and having a lovely time, but if you have already arranged to have no children at the wedding then people must respect this, if you let the child come then it isn't fair on everybody elses children.
As for your question, 'What do i do?' i would not get stressed about it all, your finances sister has already cut her hair - you will have to rethink your hair style ideas, and lady with the child is no longer coming - if she has a problem then it can't be helped!
Have a nice wedding
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
take her out of the wedding
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
It's going to be one of those screwed up weddings.
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
Your future sister-in-law should not be expected to plan her hair around your wedding. Give me a break. As for the shoes, why couldn't she wear something she already owned? It sounds to me like she was giving you trouble because she was sick and tired of dealing with your demands.
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
She has the problem - not you. How arrogant to presume that she can do what she wants at your wedding, without ever having met you too.
Stick to your guns, and say no children. Everyone else that DOES know you has accepted this, why can't she? Sheer bad manners.
Hope you have a wonderful day, try not to let it upset you.
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
Well I think you requesting her not to cut her hair is a little extreme. It's her hair. As long as it's clean and styled on your wedding day that should be all that matters.
The shoes are a different story. She should wear the shoes you choose and if they are uncomfortable, she can change them before the reception.
I would stand firm on the no children policy. Just tell them you decided you did not want children at the wedding, and it's unfair to make exceptions. Give them the name of a good babysitter.
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
It's your wedding, simple as. You've been patient and sympathetic but your needs must come first. I'm glad your fiancee is not pandering to his sister and is making a stand for you. I don't know what the end of your question is but maybe you could tell us?
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but you sound like a very controlling and fussy person. Whatever you've ranted about here seems like a huge song and dance about... what really??!!
So much negativity just befor a wedding??!
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
She is his NEW girlfriend. You have ZERO obligations.
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
It is your day, do whatever you want. You said that the girl with the baby was your BIL's new girl friend, right? Who cares if she's not there. Explain to her that you don't want any children there because they can start crying, yelling etc, and you want it as enjoyable for everyone as possible. Maybe you can find a place where you live that will keep her daughter for her during the wedding. Offer her a couple of numbers and tell her it would be a nice night for just her and her boyfriend to enjoy, she could pick up her daughter after the wedding.
As for your SIL's hair, that is a tough one. I can see why you wouldn't want her to cut it if you had a specific design for all your bridesmaids', however if she changes her hair a lot that should have been expected. If she cut it 4 days before the trial it sounds like she just did it to piss you off. I would stomp on this before you get married. My husband think's his sister is God and knows everything, we have been together for 5 years and she called me up and told me what she thought about me before she ever met me. My husband hasn't done anything about it, and now she treats me even worse. My husband has come to realise she's in the wrong but is too afraid to say anything to her. Take care of these issues now or I promise you they will only get worse. Good luck!
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
Don't feel bad, tis is YOUR day and if they can't follow the guidelines that yuo set forth then forget them. You marrying this great man, not him family (I know that other people will say that isn't true)
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
If you are this freaked out about these little things you are quite the "bridezilla" and need to chill. Sounds like you should re-think getting married because you are obviously not mature enough to handle the little stuff and you make a big deal of it.
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
Your future sister-in-law sounds like a right pain. The type of person who if you had chosen the shoes for, she would have complained they didnt fit. As for the hair, I think she's just doing this to try and ruin your big day. Don't let her see what she's doing is bugging you and make it clear that its your wedding and you are doing everything how you want it doing, whether she likes it or not, if she doesnt then find a new bridesmaid if she is the only one, or "fire" her and keep the other ones you already have.
Your brother -in-law had no right to invite his girlfriend who none of you have met to the wedding, let alone her kid. it would ruin your day if a child keeps screaming the whole way though the cermony, let alone the child of someone you don't even know and someone who wasn't even invited personally, it would be different being your own child, also, everyone else is fine with it so your not being totally unreasonable. Don't let him bully/indimidate you into inviting her and if he says either she goes or he doesnt then tell him not to bother coming, my guess is he'll come anyway and even if he doesnt, why would you want him there if he acts like this.
Whatever you do, don't feel guilty about wanting things your way, its your wedding and you'll only have this wedding once.
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
get your self a new bridesmaid
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
First, about the hair. That's isn't any of your business. If your FSIL wants to cut her hair, then let her. Personally, I look horrible w/ long hair. I have very thin hair and I keep it slightly above shoulder length w/ layers. It looks fabolous that way and not the least bit flat. Maybe your FSIL has the same issue. You do not need to have all of your bridesmaids having the same up do. Have them wear their hair fixed nicely, but have it be something they are comfortable in. Don't worry, I'm sure the stylist will be able to blow her hair out nicely and maybe add a few cute hair clips the day of the wedding.
The shoes. Same thing. Let her get what she is comfortable in. Do ask her nicely to make sure the shoes don't clash w/ the dress. But, other then that. Shoes are shoes. No one really looks at your feet.
Ok, now your brother in law. He did something wrong. First, this is a "new" girlfriend and therefore is not someone important to your family yet. Therefore, you have no obligation to accomdate her child at your wedding.
I would make your BIL aware of this. Say, "I'm sorry, we were more then willing to invite (new GF's name) at the last second. But, her kid is just pushing it. No offensive to her., I'm sure she's a lovely girl and her child is nice too. But, I really can't have child. We told other guests on children for a reason. It's too costly. How am I going to explain why this one was invited, especially since this child is NOT family. I really think you need to talk to her about this. I really feel bad about inconvinicing her after she booked the flights, but I'm going to look out for myself her and suggest she does not come anymore. I can't have this burden of p**ssing off other guests, most important our own family and close friends. It's just not a fair position of Fi's and I."
It's harsh, but it's the reality.
Someone above meantioned something about not wanting to leave their children while traveling. That's understandable. But, the fact that this is a "new" girlfriend and she was so new she was not orginality invited indicates something. She could be gone next week, she is just that new. Why accomdate her child?? That's crazy. If she can't leave her child, then she should just stay at home. She should understand the newest of their relationship and not be upset her or her child were not invited. Blows my mind, people think you should drop everything to accomadate someone else's needs ALL the time. I'm all for making my guests comfortable. But, I do feel very little obligation to someone who is so "new" to my family. You have to earn your place in a family (married or not)
I dated my Fi for 3 years. After about 1.5 years, I was invited to all family events, holidays, get togethers, etc. Not in the beginning though. I had to earn my spot and respect amoungst his parents, siblings, etc.
This girl needs to do that same, before she thinks your family will bend over backwards for her and her baby.
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
i totally agree with you about the hair i had the same problem but it was with my sister (i got my own way in the end after all i was paying for it to get styled) . i would gently let them down saying there isnt enough space and it would mean re arranging everything and of course the extra cost what you hadnt budgeted for .i would also say that they would have to explain to your other guests why her child could come but nobody elses could
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
ok, first things first:
1) it is unacceptable for you to request that people not change THEIR hair for YOUR wedding. don't assume that your wedding is as important to other people as it is to you. people are entitled to their lives. it is your wedding DAY, not your wedding month or week. so, you need to bury the hatchet on that issue. i am speaking from a married woman's perspective, so take what i'm saying seriously. i'm assuming that you want all eyes on you during the wedding anyway, so who cares if you sister-in-law's hair perfectly matches everyone elses? she's not a robot or a clone. you are being a little too controlling about that issue. you can still do something nice with her hair, even if it isn't like everyone elses. you'll be front and center in EVERY pic. do you really think people will go, "omg, look at that girl over on the left in the second row. her hair is completely cut, clean, and styled, but it doesn't match everyone else's. ahhhhh!!!!!"
2) put your foot down about the kid at the wedding. let the brother-in-law know that there were plenty of other people who would have liked to bring their children and they will be upset/offended if you make allowances for them. you can even go the extra mile (to avoid looking like a stubborn bi-yatch) and get a list of 2 or 3 reputable baby-sitters that he and his girlfriend can contact. if you know what other guests have arranged for their children, see if they are willing to split the cost of their sitter with the girlfriend so that her kid can be babysat at their home. another option is to find 2 or 3 sitters at the church who can watch kids during the ceremony. also, make it clear that there won't be any kid-friendly food or activities at the reception and that you are paying per-person and so parents shouldn't bring their children there either. i assume their will be placecards and exact # of seats at the reception, so kids won't be an option there. on this issue, i think it will depend on how you handle the situation. keep reminding them that there are plenty of people who couldn't bring their kids. just because the ticket is paid for, doesn't mean they get to make their own rules. you have now given them numerous options, and it is up to them to decide which is best for them. you will have to figure out how to enforce this though in case they show up with the kid anyway. if you have a wedding planner, make them aware of this situation and she can do the dirty work as guests enter.
also, i am a sociology student conducting a study on marriage and relationships. if you would like to check out the anonymous survey go to: geocities.com/sbiv37/marr
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
You are getting all bent out of shape over little things. None of that stuff is important. Really, it isn't. Who cares if her hair is different than what you envisioned? It HER HAIR! That makes it HER CHOICE - not yours.
Let it all go and focus on the important things.
TRUST ME!
I just got married August 11th. All the girls pciked their own dress, their own hairstyle, etc. Everyone commented on how great it was to see the girls be themselves and how they were all comfortable in their clothes, hair, etc. Treat your bridesmaids as your friends. Consider their feelings and everything they have done for you - not just for the wedding, but in life. They are not the backdrop to your wedding. They are the people that you care about.
As for kids at the wedding... We didn't invite kids either, but somehow managed to have about 30 show up. Tey didn't ruin anything. THey didn't take away from the festivities... and the adults loved watching them play. Just don't decorate with baloons - that's where the trouble starts with kids.
Take a deep breath... choose your battles... and let these little things slide. No need making enemies over some vision of a dream wedding day. The relationships will last a lifetime if you don't turn into bridezilla.
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
hey its ur big day......don't stress urself too much. let ur fiancee's sister do what she wants with her hair, leave it.......and about the last prob, stick to no-child policy coz if u exempt her in bringing a kid along, the other guests that u invited who agreed on not bringing their kids might have some bad feedback's on you. she should understand that it's ur wedding and not hers so she has no right to pressure you on bringing her kids. if she doesn't want to come then don't invite her (she's not the star of the event, right?). just be happy and enjoy ur wedding. congratulations!!!!!
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
First, tell your 2-b-sister- in- law that she is excused from being a bridesmaid now. Thank her for accepting, but tell her you reserved the right to choose the design of everything in the wedding so now that you know she is unable to go along with your bridal wishes you are dismissing her from bridesmaid's duty. Your proof of her respect of your wishes was when she choose to cut her hair. You are the bride. You should choose the accessories not her!!! Do not go with her to buy any shoes!!! Tell her apparently she didn't want to be in the wedding party very badly if she cut her hair knowing what your preference for hairstyles were and as the bride you choose what and who is in your wedding. It is truly not about her being her; it is about your wedding choices and she has made her choice. Tell her YOU want a uniform look...or a consistent look...for your attendants and can not tolerate disrespect of you wedding plans. This is your wedding and hopefully the only time you will go through this so you have a right to have the wedding the way you want to have it. Say these things very diplomatically without emotion! Remember to thank her for having agreed orginally to be a bridesmaid and tell her you are very sorry she had made her choices which countered your choices. Tell her you hope she enjoys the wedding. Do NOT change or let her change your mind. It still won't work out. She is too controling.
The child issue: I think, someone coming from a foreign country could or should be an exception. Tell them you would love to have them come to the reception, but because of the noise factor, unless there is a baby room at church, you have requested no children at the wedding and hope they understand. Tell them there is no disrespect intended, that you hope you can become good friends in the future and hope they understand that you want the wedding to be solemn and quiet.
It is your wedding enjoy it.
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
ok, well first of all just calm down. What's done, is done. You can't go back and change it now. You're not going to make everyone happy, it's just can not be done. So tell your stupid sister-in-law, that she can pay for her own hair, and have whatever she wants done to it. You cant do too much with that one, right??? As for your brother-in-law, if you have already explain to him the situation and he's upset, ok then. What are you going to do about it? I say, just let him be upset, but when you see him be polite (as I'm sure you would be, of course) and let him know how truely sorry you are that things got all mixed up, and how you dont want this to affect anything in the future. If he doesnt want to forgive you, well then screw him!!!
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
Relax! Everything will work itself out on the day! it's ur day and don't let anyone spoil it. Good luck!
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
Chill. It is your wedding, your day, and the person who is noticing this stuff is you. No one else is really going to care. I never saw matching hairdos on bridesmaids and I think it would look sort of strange. Shoes too. I couldn't tell you to save my life what shoes anyone wears anywhere, let alone weddings, where there are so many better things to look at.
The guy with the new girlfriend and the kid. You tell him what you told us. If they insist she and the kid come, forget that too. Kids aren't the problem at weddings, parents are. The way they handle the kid at the wedding makes all the difference. A 2 year old hardly eats anything, and if it is disruptive, it is up to the parent to do something.
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
I'm sorry to hear that, it DOES sound like you're at the end of your rope. But that's people sh1t, I don't know if there's a way around it, if it isn't one thing, it's the other.
Sounds like you should have eloped, and spent the money on the down payment for a house.
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
Ah yes -- in-laws. Been there. Done that, and it wasn't fun. The dynamic here is that you inherit ALL his family, not just "mom" and "dad" Everyone in his family will test your parameters of love and binding together as man and wife. Think of them as children constantly pushing their parents patience.
It's YOUR wedding. You and your fiancee set the rules -- If you say no children, then it's no children. They know that, and are testing your limits -- just like children.
Also, never cave in and buy shoes or other things out of guilt: she's a grown women, let her get her own clothes --and it's a good sign your fiancee hung up on her. That means he cares more about you than his family. You just make sure he knows you feel the same. That YOU value HIM more... because all families get jealous... I know this from experience. If you're religious, remember the line "what God has brought together, let no man cleave asunder". That means you an him come first.
In the future, if they try to split you out of jealousy, just smile and hold his hand. Look into his eyes, then back at the family member, saying "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening... did you say something?" Or say something totally unexpected.
For example, let's say your sister in law is at you about shoes and clothes, or not marrying her brother. Pick something out of the blue like, "Have you ever seen "CATS"? Live on Broadway? I did back when ---"
Here's a good instance that REALLY happened: my mother in law gripped at me 24/7 when my fiancee wasn't around. In the middle of one rant, I said, "Have you ever been to the Biltmore at Christmas? It's lovely, with all the different styles of Christmas trees, the candles, even the winery is festive.
It totally distracted her from the rant, but if she'd kept at it, I would have said something like "Are there humpbacked whales in Alaska?"
ANYTHING that's totally out of the blue should work -- just nothing even REMOTELY to do with family. These unexpected thoughts distract whtever rant was forming in their minds at the time. It's a tactic I've used for years when someone gets hostile at me.
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
Sell the hair accessories on ebay. Offer a babysitter for the wedding/reception for the child (g/f of brother).
You are at a time in your life that is full of stress. Have your children in the wedding as planned. Ignore the sister-in-law complaining about the shoes or ask her to take them back and buy hard sole, uncomfortable stillettoes so that she will quit complaining.
Surely you knew how these people were since you have 2 kids with this man (unless they are from other relationships).
Keep the peace as much as you can so that you don't have to deal with the drama,but don't be ran over either.
I hope that your sister is doing better and that she will be able to be at the wedding or in the wedding of your dreams.
Don't let other people ruin your day. Some people just love to complain and you can't make everyone happy. Plan what you want and go with it. Good luck.
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
I totally agree with you on all things but 1. I mean i totally understand it's your wedding but the no children policy is a bit harsh as not all parents would want to leave their kids behind. I understand the ones in this country but the other lady?. That's a bit unfair, would you want to stay away from your 2 year old baby, knowing that she's in another country?
But then again it's your wedding. Sooo Good Luck x x x
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
Okay - concentrate on your wedding. It's going to be the hapiest day of your life, so hang on to that thought. Hang on to why you're going through this. You're marrying the guy of your dreams, not his entire family.
So if his sister has gone and done something stupid - well, take a deep breathe, and move on. Do not allow her to cast a shadow over your day.
Secondly - well, you've made up your mind about the children - you will offend people now if you change your mind. It's a pity you agreed to it and now regret doing so (did I get that right?). Just smile, and refuse to allow it to upset you. Really. If they want to be morons, let them. Do you care if they don't come to the wedding? (She sounds like a cow, by the way.) But he will feel bad if he doesn't come to the wedding and she seems to be able to pull strings.
Let them get on with it. Be above it all.
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
First of all remember that it is your wedding! Its special for the two of you because you are getting married. You can't keep everyone happen and if the girlfriend won't come because of the little one then thats her problem. The fiance's sister is maybe trying to get some attention so don't let her bother you. Get her brother to get her to pay for the accessories that can't be used because of her. I had similar problems planning our wedding but on the day none of these things mattered!
Dilemma......What Do I Do?
What?? top it all off..yes? what is the question?
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